The world of feeling is unpredictable, confusing, and hard to control. That is the nature of feeling. . . . Some people are fortunate enough to grow up in families that teach that it is all right to experience feelings and tell the truth about them. Many families — perhaps most — teach their children strategies that become problems for us later.
Why are we punished and censored for being emotional or having a feeling? Is it not ok to be overwhelmed, angry, sad, agitated, scared? Why can’t people deal with these emotions, and why are we not allowed to have them?
We have been given emotions for a reason and I don’t understand why one is universally accepted. That is, happiness. Yes, of course, we all want everyone to be happy and merry! No body wants someone to be sad (most of the time) and it’s definitely NOT ok to be abusive in any way, but it is ok to have emotions and cry.
Emotions are not bad behaviour and we can’t just ‘turn off’ an emotion. Sorry if you don’t like it, but that is too bad. I had just finished a report that took a lot of hard work and time – and my teacher thought I was doing a level 2 standard instead of level 3, and are both completely different topics – and I was told of this AFTER finishing it. It’s obvious that anyone would get worried about this, having spent lots of time on it and then maybe it was all for nothing. I got worried and worked up over it, and ultimately, punished for being that way.
Why? and why, when babies cry, do you hush and shush them? They’re noisy? Why not comfort and support the small child and then sort out the problem of why the baby is feeling this way, instead of suppressing their feelings and making them feel even worse for feeling that way? Why should I be blamed for feeling like that? I was berated for feeling emotion. It’s like i’m hard to deal with or something?
It is called empathy blocking – parent use them to save children from emotional pain but it really doesn’t help being berated. We just want to be heard, we don’t want you to change the way we feel, because it listening, it WILL change the way we feel. Maybe it was automatic and this person didn’t realise it, but it hurts being told to stop an emotion. Here are some examples:
||Oh, don’t cry. I’m sure it’s not that bad! It’s not the end of the world.
||There is nothing wrong; nothing for you to be upset about. Everything is OK.
||Don’t cry. Can’t you see that the other child didn’t mean to hurt you?
|The positive spin
||Look on the bright side. Can’t you see, this probably happened for a good reason?
||Don’t worry. Here, let me tell you something funny I heard the other day. Here, have an ice cream. That’ll cheer you up.
||Why don’t you try doing this, or that? I think you should just ignore that so-and-so.
||You should have known better. Get over it. Don’t let it get to you.
||Don’t be silly. Don’t be ridiculous.
||You are being over-sensitive.
||Hey, have a look at the pretty puppet.
|Stealing the thunder
||Now you know how I felt when the same thing happened to me.
I get it – getting angry and crying does not solve anything, but how can you help that from happening? It just happens. When people tell me suppress any emotion, it does not leave, it stays within me. It just sinks deeper until it bursts. I have become so suppressed that I seem to burst at a lot of times and get worked up. Suppressing just interferes with the design of a human and how we are supposed to function.
Yet while emotional suppression may sometimes serve a useful purpose, inhibiting the free flow of emotional energies over the course of a lifetime causes serious damage to our bodies, minds, and spirits.
Again, I’ll say that getting angry for no particular reason and abusing someone is not right. But being angry because of how something has affected you, say, someone has said something mean, it’s a natural response to be angry/sad, just as it’s natural to be happy when someone pays you a compliment.
Hey, maybe I am overreacting, but I’m just saying – we have emotions for a reason, don’t we? So why should that be shunned?